there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He passed out mid-signature
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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