I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
