He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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