They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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