I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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