Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
