so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
