My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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