That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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