and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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