he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
