my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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