just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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