My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
