I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i came on her dog
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
