we have pet lesbian snakes
she smelled like a LAN party
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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