I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
