tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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