No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
