So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's always time for handjobs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
