fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
