I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
