The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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