Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
