Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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