You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
