his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im having a threesome with these popsicles
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
