roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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