then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
