look no pants
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
