Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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