I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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