Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
