Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
