friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
