How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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