I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
