Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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