Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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