Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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