I'm going to jail i love you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
