Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
