WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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