Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
