Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bring money and cleavage
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
