Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize