I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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