Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
