i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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