i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is this like a preordered booty call?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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