help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize