A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize