Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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