I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize