i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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