good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
