If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
