my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
