She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
