i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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