Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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