We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
