Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize