My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
