I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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