Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who died my cat blue again?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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