You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
