drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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