It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
