Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Damn victory sex feels great
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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