as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
