it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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